Irn-Bru

“I once tasted Irn-Bru. It was like having my eyes plucked right out of my head and I awoke several days later in the middle of a field, naked, with a traffic cone stuck up my arse.”

~ Oscar wilde on Irn-Bru


Irn-Bru is a non-alcoholic national drink of Scotland, reputedly made from Girders (see similarity in colour to the Forth Rail Bridge). Possibly addictive; those who have never tasted it previously typically react by saying that it is either (a) disgusting or (b) unbelievably sweet. Those who have been exposed from infancy, however, believe it to be the most delicious drink in the known universe. Irn-Bru, if taken in sufficient quantity along with a Scotch Pie, is widely accepted as the finest cure yet discovered for the hangover.

Irn Bru is bright orange in colour, so bright in fact that it glows in the dark and is the sole light source in many a windswept croft in the Highlands. It is widely thought that the Irn Bru was originally supposed to be a water substitute with no flavour or taste but the chemicals in the Clyde River where the water was taken from have altered it to the phenomenal drink we know today. This chemical has also been blamed for the hardy Scots attitude and firm held belief that the English are wankers.

There are many symptoms that allow you to recognise who has consumed this orange coloured drink. The first symptom is that it gives you ginger hair all over your body (nowhere is safe). It may cause the consumer to have lack of sleep because their body starts glowing a bright orange. This can also be noticeed with a rash. If drank with vodka these symptoms can be avoided and no hangover, just a lack of memory. This cocktail is named "Russian-Bru" and very popular in the Scottish pubs and clubs. I personally drink it every day and I'm fine.